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On cooties and the gender binary

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Illustration: DmitryMo
This week I published a short post over at my tumblr blog called "How to avoid transgender and gay cooties". This led to a couple of questions in the line of "What on God's earth is a cootie?" 

The cootie phenomenon does actually says a lot about gender and socialization.

I'll come back to that. But first, here is what I wrote:

How to avoid transgender and gay cooties
"We are all aware of the increasing problem of transgender and homosexual cooties.

A perfectly straight white man may enter a restroom and find himself in the company of a gay man. Before you know it the straight man starts singing songs from Broadway musicals, while growing a mustache.The two of them don’t even have to touch each other!
Transgender cooties are even more devious. A transgender person enters the women’s bathroom and soon all the women in that room have got trans cooties. They start dreaming about climbing trees, having independent careers and wearing jeans and leather jackets.

Fortunately there is a way of avoiding the cooties. Don’t think about them!

The fact is that you have shared a bathroom with both homosexual and transgender people many, many, times already, but you did not know they were gay, lesbian or trans. You did not think about it, so you did not catch the LGBT cooties.
 
Don’t think about LGBT cooties and you will be OK!"
"Cooties" is a term used by children. The Urban dictionary defines it this way:
When children reach the age where they notice the sexes are different the children claim a member of the opposite opposite sex will give you "cooties" if they touch you. 
In Norway the terms are "jentelus" ("girls' lice") and "guttelus" ("boys' lice"). If a girl touches a boy, the rest of the kids will cry out: "She touched you! She touched you! You got  girl's lice!" Or something to that effect.

Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson.

The implicit message is, of course, that something girlish has been transferred by touch, and that these cooties threatens the boy's sense of  boyhood. He has been contaminated by all things girly. And vice versa.

I should add that not all kids take this too seriously. If they are old enough, they understand that there is no such thing as the cooties, and that this is more an excuse for exploring that exciting tension that arises when boys meets girls (in a Calvin meets Susie Derkins kind of way).

The point made in my satirical text is obviously that some  transphobes and  homophobes are still emotionally eight years old. One part of them actually believes that they might become girly or boyish  if they get close to someone queer.

People who feel this way are often suppressing their own gender variance or sexual confusion.

But there is more to the cooties narrative than this. It may serve as a good example of the social and cultural conditioning that impels young kids to deny their own nature, whether this applies to sexual orientation, gender expression or gender identity.

Moreover, it points to a very important side of socialization that is often ignored in the debate: Children have their own culture with its own rules, and the most effective policing of behavior and attitudes might be found there, and not in what their parents or teachers tell them. Children need to get along with other children if they want to avoid social exclusion and loneliness.

We know that as children get older they are more likely to play with kids of the same gender. In schools you will find girls' cliques and boys' gangs. It is as if children seek out playmates of their own gender in order to explore those gender roles and find out what it means to be "a proper man" and "a real woman". I guess this will help them prepare for adult life as a man or a woman.

Given that gender roles vary over time and between cultures, this is more a search for the proper roles in this specific culture, and not -- as many believe -- the expression of innate gendered behaviors. That does not mean that the drive towards joining boy and girl groups cannot be inborn. I don't know.

What I do know, however, is that this system of segregation makes it very hard for those who fall outside the gender binary to thrive. This applies to sexual orientation as well as gender identity. And that is why adults must do their best to help those kids who do not live up to the various binaries to be allowed to express themselves and explore their own sense of self.

As soon as kids understand that there is room for gender variance of this kind, most of them are extremely forgiving of such behavior. They simply include the new rules in their book of proper behavior.


If There Was a Magic Pill

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I got permission to publish this crossdreamer poem by Marion Raven Thorsdottir.

If there was a magic pill
Female Thor (Marvel)
That could make this innate urge go away
None of us would be here today
Why is it like this?
Because a society through its infinite
jurassic way of thinking
Has glorified war, violence, militarism
Scoffed at the moon Luna
The softness, the sway 
of the feminine wave
The life giving wave of of Yin
How much has changed
Our existence is no longer a sin
As if it ever were
how much things still are the same
None places either of us could go to
If presenting as we are today
I got permission to publish this crossdreamer poem by

With long standing internal strife
Hours, days, weeks, months, years on end
hoardings and Urges,
Anxiety and purges
Pain and pleasure all mixed together
Self imposed feelings of shame
Until some day
Finding that we are not alone
Listen to the ancient wisdom of the past
From places and cultures
Uninfested by fantasy fairy tales
Imposed on the world
Through conquest and war
Proclaimed as eternal Truths
How wrong they were
How wrong they are
Listen to the voices and signs from times
Before patriarchy replaced matriarchy
Where two spirits were respected
Feared and revered 
Listen to the water, listen to the wind
Also our voices of wisdom will be heard at last
As I take mine from the delicate storms of thunder

Is there a way 
Out of this rabbit hole?


Waking Up the Anima – Jung Applied to Transgender Women

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Guest writer Jocelyn Muchilinski takes a new approach to using Jung's theory of the subconscious to explain transgender experiences.  


The anima represents the female
side of the male psyche
Painting by Indra Grušaitė 
Guest Post by Jocelyn Muchlinski

The Anima and the Animus

Carl Jung introduced a new vocabulary into psychology. Among the most important words in this vocabulary are anima, animus, and projection.

In this essay, I will commandeer these words and twist them to suit my meanings. Perhaps Jung will forgive me for perverting his language so freely.

The anima is the female soul in every human. The animus is the male soul.

I want to encourage readers to understand the anima and animus as two entirely different people living in the same body. I also want to suggest that the animus, in cisgender men, is one and the same with the man himself.

That is to say, the animus has the reigns of the ego. The animus is expressed and brought to life in the words, thoughts, and actions of the man. The anima, on the other hand, gains life by projecting itself onto female figures in the man’s life.

In this way, both anima and animus take an essential and substantial role in the life of the cisgender man.

Conversely, the anima is the soul and person of the cisgender woman. This woman, who is the anima incarnate, experiences her animus by projecting it onto male figures in her life. Projection of anima and animus occurs naturally first on the parents of a child.

Thus, for a boy, his first experience of his own anima is vis-à-vis his mother. For a girl, she sees her own animus—her male soul—in her father.


To a lesser extent, the boy will project himself (his animus) onto his father, and consequently identify with the father. The girl does the same with her mother. This explains why fatherless boys will often hypermasculinize or otherwise develop a distorted, caricaturized version of manliness. And motherless girls will look feverishly to magazines, TV shows, music, and books for women to identify with—to help them understand themselves.

Ray Blanchard's typology

Let’s set aside this pseudo-Jung theorizing for a bit and talk about something entirely different. Namely, let’s talk about Ray Blanchard’s bilateral classification of transgender women.

Blanchard suggested that transgender women may be sorted into two distinct types: "the homosexual transsexual" (i.e. trans women who are attracted to men: androphilic transsexual women), and the autogynephilic transsexual (according to Blanchard those who are gynephilic -- attracted to women -- or bisexual).

The "homosexual" or androphilic transsexual is the trans woman who begins life behaving like a girl—effeminate and interested in girls’ toys and activities. Seeing this predisposition, parents will usually presume their son is gay. When the “son” later comes out as a daughter, it is nary a surprise.

Contrariwise, the autogynephilic transsexual is the trans woman who begins life behaving like a boy. Accordingly, it is much more shocking and unexpected when she reveals herself to be a she.

Parents tend to feel like the revelation came out of nowhere, and may believe that perhaps their son is just confused. What they never understood, all these years, was that their daughter was real and was growing—through surrogates.

Alchemical print.
The twist is this. The androphilic transsexual embodied her anima from day one. She lived her true self directly and, like normal girls, projected her smaller animus on the men around her.

Meanwhile, the autogynephilic transsexual gripped and embodied her animus, projecting her true self (her anima) on the women around her.

Thus arose a bizarre arrangement, whereby the autogynephile’s central essence—her bulky anima—was dissociated away from her own ego and placed in others for safekeeping. The animus, smaller and weaker, took the reigns of the ego.

This arrangement is much like that of the cisgender man, who embodies his animus and projects his anima onto other people. The key difference is that, in these enigmatic transsexuals, the projected anima is in fact the much stronger force and the rightful owner of the ego. But something went wrong—and that thing is biological sex.

In androphilic transsexuals, their anima was powerful enough to retain control of the ego despite masculine sexual differentiation. It didn’t matter how much testosterone was pumped through that fetus; the anima was hanging on.

In autogynephilic transsexuals, the anima was thwarted by these biological forces. Masculine physiological development, probably in concert with postnatal treatment as male, led the child to identify with the animus rather than the anima.

Unstable identity

This mistaken identification is unstable, and it eventually collapses. With collapse (whether it be at age 23 or 67) comes crisis of gender identity and, eventually, complete re-identification with the anima.

In the years or months leading up to crisis, the autogynephile will experience a gradual and subconscious process of relocating her anima from other women to her own ego. In the beginning, the autogynephile will be sexually attracted to women. As Jung would explain, sexual attraction is the most primitive form of identification with anima or animus.

Over time, the anima will shift from other women to the autogynephile’s own ego, and she will become sexually attracted to herself as a woman. This is the autogynephile identifying herself with her own anima for the first time. It is no surprise the identification begins in its most primitive form.

Gender crisis begins when the conscious mind realizes what’s happening. The animus-as-ego is under threat. The animus-driven ego tries desperately to cognize and categorize what is going on. All the while, the anima is knocking at the front door of the ego, bracing to reclaim the throne.

Surrendering the male-mind

At this point in the process, the autogynephile may resolve to transition. This is natural, and is the correct move. But the story does not end there. It is possible to come out as transgender, take hormones, get surgeries, and live as a woman without fully letting go of the animus-as-ego. Complete transition and self-actualization requires the trans woman to surrender her man-mind. Only then can the anima totally claim the ego and become one with the woman.
Carl Gustav Jung

How does one go about surrendering her man-mind? It’s not easy. Old habits die hard. Here I suggest a spiritual (or deep psyche) experience is needed. A man-mind cannot think itself away. That would be like a snake biting its own tail and trying to eat itself out of existence.

The best one can do is to employ certain techniques that will set the stage for a deep cognitive shift. Biological and social transition are a couple such techniques.

Another technique is to—by reading essays like this and hearing others’ experiences—develop an understanding of what must happen. And pray. Not necessarily to a god, but to your own subconscious and unconscious mind.

Create the imperative and rely on unconscious processes to do the heavy lifting. Perhaps you will find that your dreams change; or you start feeling different as you go about your day.

Voice feminization

A final technique, and the one that wound up being most useful to me, is voice feminization. This is not necessarily surgery. For me, it was simply training my voice and thereby “finding” my female voice.

To a great extent, the essence of a person is manifested in their speech. Accordingly, a new voice can be a new person. Maybe your male voice is weighty and sets out facts, while your female voice is light and playful, and concerns itself more with feelings. Maybe your male voice is short and to-the-point, while your female voice is more meandering and eager to engage in light conversation.

For the time being, this is all I have to say on the subject. I was roused from sleep at 4:15 this morning brimming with these ideas, and I had no choice but to boot up my laptop and write them down. It is 6:50 now, and I suppose I ought to return to bed. I hope you have found this essay to be interesting and maybe even insightful, dear reader, and I wish you the best of luck in all your affairs.

See also: How Jungian psychology can be used to understand gender variance and transgender lives.

Interview with a Love Shy Crossdreamer

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Last year I was contacted by a young male to female crossdreamer from Britian, who wanted to ask me some questions about how to cope with being gender variant. The conversation ended with me asking her a few questions. 
Photo: Hramovnick


(I am using female pronouns on her request).

The more I learn about crossdreamers, the more I realize that this is a diverse group of people. That is: You cannot make up a profile that fits all crossdreamers, in the same way there is no pattern of personality that fits all women or all men, all Europeans or all Asians.

(This also means, of course, that crossdreaming most likely is not the end result of one particular type of psychological event.)

Still  some crossdreamers have more in common than others. Some, for instance, tackle their gender variance by isolating themselves socially.

Q: We have been chatting a bit about crossdreaming and loneliness over at facebook, and I would love to share some of your reflections with my readers. Could you say a few words about where you stand today?

Jennifer replied:
"I live at home with my parents and I work, I really want to cross dress and find someone who truly gets me but I'm worried about being mocked etc."
And that sentence sums up, as we will see,  Jennifer's major challenge quite nicely.

Q: I know that for you crossdressing has been one way of expressing "your other side". Could you say some more about what role crossdressing plays in your life?

Jennifer tells me that for her crossdressing has been an important outlet for crossdreamer feelings:
"Cross dressing helps me be the real me or Jennifer as I've come to know myself. It's like I hear her calling me to express who I really am and I love it, I need it."

However, since she lives with her parents, she finds it extremely hard to find room for her transgender feelings. There is no family cabin or friends that can give her the space she needs. She is afraid her parents will find out, and especially her mother.

Indeed, she is very afraid that coming out or taking this further will harm the life she knows.
"I've been a cross dresser since I was around about 11 and I'm now I am in my early twenties,  but I haven't been able to be that side of me in any way for about 5-6 years. When I've cross dressed it's always when I've 'borrowed' clothes like swimwear and bras and when I look in the mirror I feel sexy and kind of girly too. It is a rush when you slip on girls clothing and it's torture when you haven't been able to do it for as long as I have."
Q: Some male to female crossdreamers find it hard to combine their gender variance with establishing a love relationship with another man or woman, and you have told me that you long for a girl friend, but find it hard to establish such a relationship. Could you say some more about this?

To this Jennifer replied:
"I've never had luck with women, I'm 23 now and still single but my dream would be to find a girl who will accept me and Jennifer too."
It seems Jennifer is stuck in the same Catch 22 as many others of the more "love shy" crossdreamers: You are damned to loneliness if you don't do anything, you risk having to play the role of a regular male if you hide the truth, and you risk ridicule and rejection if you do come out to the girl you like.

The fact is that it is possible to find love for crossdreamers, both those male to female and female to male.

There is a distinct possibility of rejection, but that applies to all human beings.

We tend to interpret reality through the lens of gender stereotypes and forget that there is an insane amount of variation among human beings. To quote L.A. Story: "There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them."

It also seems that women are slightly more flexible as regards sexuality than men, or that they are better at realizing that love is so much more than sexual preferences.

(See "How to find love: The challenges facing crossdreamers and transgender people").

Q: To what extent do you think it is your crossdreaming that leads to this social isolation?

Jennifer's reply tells us how much expected gender roles stop us from being who we are:
"I think I struggle to relate to guys and I don't know exactly know enough about girls to become fully one of them. I try to talk to girls about things that I want to learn like clothes etc but I feel awkward."
I still remember the awkwardness of  taking in male bonding rituals when I was at Jennifer's age. Drinking beer in a pub full of testosterone and a TV screaming soccer results was definitely not my kind of thing.

That in itself is not proof of me "being a woman", but it reflects the kind of social dissonance crossdreaming can lead to. Your friends expects you to behave in a certain way, because you "are one of the guys". Your own sense of self tells you otherwise, so you end up pretending all the time.

All people play social roles, but they will normally take their gender and gender roles for granted.

Q: You say that you never had any luck with women. Could you say a few words about what makes it hard for you to establish a relationship with them. Is it because of the crossdreaming or could there be other reasons? For instance: Are you in general a shy person?

Jennifer replied:
"I'm not sure really, I'm not really any good at small talk. I doubt it's to do with who I really am but I think it's just a lack of confidence perhaps."
It is often hard to find out what causes what: Is she shy because she is a crossdreamer? Or is it shyness that stops her from going out and take her chances?

It is important to keep in mind that many crossdreamers are not shy people. Some even flaunt their gender variance, making it an integrated part of the persona they present to the world.

Others again bloom when they come out of the closet (whether they transition or not). Friends and family marvel over a shy friend who has suddenly become the life of the party.

In other words: Many crossdreamers are both introvert and extremely sensitive, but others are not. Their shyness may be caused by fear, not inborn introversion.

Q: Have you spoken with anyone else about this? Family members? Friends? Teachers or colleagues? A therapist, maybe? And if so: How did that play out. And if not: Is it hard to find someone to trust?

Jennifer says that she has never told anybody, too scared of the consequences:
"One of my parents almost caught me crossdressing in a one piece swimsuit and called me weird and a freak. I want to be who I am but a combination of fear, no privacy and lack of free time prevents me from being true, meaning, Jennifer."
I cannot help wondering how some parents would feel, if they truly knew how much such comments can harm a transgender child or youth. I suspect many of them would behaved differently had they known.

Q: There are some really active communities for transgender people online, including some for crossdressers and crossdreamers. Have you ever discussed your crossdreaming with some of the people there, and -- if so -- what did you talk about?

Jennifer told me:
"I have never tried anything like that partly down to make lack of privacy/free time. I have no idea where to look for any of that sort of thing and I doubt that only talking online will help me. I want to be able to meet people like me and get any kind of help they can. "
I think she is right when she implies that talking online may not solve her problems, but I do know that online discussions help a bit. Talking is the best cure, they say, and writing about your feelings and your life and having others affirm you by responding helps you integrate that other side of yourself into your whole personality.

But the fact remains that a lot of crossdreamers do not discuss their crossdreaming online, even if they can do so anonymously. Crossdreamer sites like this one and the Crossdream Life forum have a lot of visitors, including visitors who come back to read, but they do not necessarily take part in the conversation. So I have encouraged Jennifer to take part.

We have also discussed the possibility of contacting crossdresser and transgender communities in Britain. If any of my British readers have some good ideas, please add them as a comment!

Jennifer would very much like to hear your ideas about where she can go from here.

How Many Transgender People are There, Really?

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The number of transgender people has been
seriously underestimated (photo: Llewellyn Chin)

There are more transgender people around than most think.

The New York Times reports that:
Nearly 150,000 American teenagers from 13 to 17 years old — or one out of every 137 — would identify as transgender if survey takers asked, according to an analysis of state and federal data that offers an answer to a question that has long eluded researchers
In addition to an estimated 149,750 transgender teenagers nationwide, accounting for 0.7 percent of the population ages 13 to 17, the Williams Institute Study estimates that there are 1.4 million transgender adults in the United States (some 0.6 percent).
I  am convinced all many of the  studies on the number of transgender people (in the broad umbrella sense of the term) seriously underestimate the percentage of the population who are some kind of gender variant, and that this even applies to this new study.
One of the reason is that so many of the statistics are based on respondents that have already been involved with the health system. That is an extreme selection bias.

The other one is that they tend to conflate the word transgender with transsexual (someone who would like to or have transitioned) or gender dysphoric, numbers that do not catch those who are neither, or those who are living in denial or cannot go down that road for other reasons. Lynn Conway   makes a good case for the higher estimate.


I have no way of giving a correct estimate of much larger number of MTF transgender, but I got access to some really interesting web statistics from a person running a transgender caption/fiction site (mostly erotica), targeting male to female crossdreamers. The site had 1.6 million unique visitors every year. And this was not one of the biggest sites of this kind.

The great majority of visitors to such English language sites are American.  So if we say that some 1.2 million of these visitors were from the US, and we count in the fact that a lot of crossdreamers are not into this kind of erotica, and that there are others who live in the kind of denial that stops them from finding such sites, wouldn't it be reasonable to believe that there might be as many as 5 til 10 million male to female transgender/gender variant people in the US alone? 
Given that there are some 150 million people assigned male in the US, and that some of them are kids, that would leave us with a percentage closer to 5 than to 1.
And yes, I belong to those who believe that an erotic interest in crossing genders is a clear a sign of being some kind of transgender as having  stereotypical gender interests or gender expressions. If you are gender variant, that will also affect your erotic fantasies.
Mine is no way a scientific number,  but it makes me keep my mind open to the idea that being transgender -- in the wide sense of the term -- is much more common than most believe.

I do not think there is any reason to believe that there are fewer transgender people among female assigned transgender people. I realize that this is often explained by the traditional idea that female biologically speaking is the default, and that male is caused by the addition of male hormones in the womb, but it seems to me that these days biologists are leaving such a simplistic model behind. 
I suspect that the fact that fewer FTM transgender people are reported is caused by a combination of several factors: Cultural, in the sense that those assigned female can more easily express masculine behavior without being labelled as a sexual pervert. And medical, in the sense that until recently it was harder to envisage transitioning with bottom surgery for those assigned female.
By the way, the Williams Study, which is based on data from the nation wide Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System (BRFSS), reflects a relatively narrow understanding of the term transgender.
The respondents were asked:
Do you consider yourself to be transgender?
The first question may lead to many interpretations, and it is hard to see what the respondent is actually responding to (transgender as in transsexual or transgender as in gender variant).

If the respondent answered yes, they were asked: 
Do you consider yourself to be male-to-female, female-to-male, or gender non-conforming? 
The second question widens the scope explicitly, including gender non-conforming (and non-binary identities, I would surmise). 
If the interviewer was asked for a definition of transgender, the interviewer responded: 
“Some people describe themselves as transgender when they experience a different gender identity from their sex at birth. For example, a person born into a male body, but who feels female or lives as a woman would be transgender. Some transgender people change their physical appearance so that it matches their internal gender identity. Some transgender people take hormones and some have surgery. A transgender person may be of any sexual orientation – straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.”
The definition seems to go back to a more traditional, binary, understanding of transgender, which again will influence the responses.

The analysis is an extrapolation based on adult responses to a federal survey. Given that the data is based on responses from adults (who are more likely to think of trans as "transsexual") as well as young people, I suspect this confusion has led  the researchers to underestimate the number of trans youth in the US.

This blog post is partly based on an entry in a Crossdream Life discussion.
Jody L. Herman, Ph.D., Andrew R. Flores, Ph.D., Taylor N. T. Brown, MPP, Bianca D.M. Wilson, Ph.D., and Kerith J. Conron, Sc.D: Age of Individuals Who Identify as Transgender in the United States

New York Times: As Attention Grows, Transgender Children’s Numbers Are Elusive

Women Who Love Cars, Also Known as Autogynephilia

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This New York Times article (which arrived in our office through a worm hole from a parallel world uncannily like our own) covers the autogynephilia theory of sexual attraction. Be ready for a bumpy ride!
Anne loves her sports car. Photo: Jupiter Images

There has been a lot of discussions lately about Ray Blanchard's controversial autogynephilia theory.

This is most likely caused by the fact that both right and left wing extremists have found that his theory can be used to attack a particular group of women.

Autogynephilia is Greek, made from the words for "self-propelling" (auto), "woman" (gyne) and "love" (philia) . In other words: Women who love cars.

A typical "autogynephiliac" would be Anne, a university professor who told us that she loves driving around in the city in her red sports car:

"I feel powerful and sexy. The car is like an extension of myself. It expresses my true self," she tells the New York Times

Rosita, a 35 year old Latina nurse living in San Diego puts it this way:

"I want a 1967 Ford Mustang. I want to feel it roaring under me. I want its beauty, its strength, its speed!"

Inside the mind of Ray Blanchard

Ray Blanchard, who is a traditionalist evolutionary psychologists, argues that autogynephilia is a paraphilia (a sexual perversion). The autogynephile women are suffering from a so-called "erotic target location error", as they -- according to him -- love cars more than men.


This  leads to "reduced evolutionary fitness", he says,  i.e. reduced chances of getting offspring. The condition must therefore be considered a sexual disorder.

He has argued that there are two mutually exclusive types of women: Those that love cars (the autogynephiliacs) and the non-autogynephiliacs, who love men.

There are no lesbians in Blanchard's model. As he said to Motherboard:"I do not think there are any female perverts." Some former colleagues of his  have told the New York Times that he does not get out much.

The Girl who Wanted to be Steve McQueen

J. Michael Bailey has popularized Blanchard's theory in the controversial book The Girl  who Wanted to be Steve McQueen, 

On the basis of a  random and completely personal sample of five women in a car park, he has argued that the non-autogynephilic women are naturally feminine and attractive. "I would boink her anytime," as he said of one of his "non-autogynephilic" respondents.

The autogynephiliacs are masculine and unattractive, according to him.

Activists strike back
Photo from Bailey's book, where the caption reads:
"Unattractive, masculine autogynephiliac."
Photo: Jose Luis Pelaez Inc

Needless to say, women who do love cars feel offended by this theory.

So-called "transport activists" have argued that the whole theory only reflects old-fashioned sexist views of what women should be like, and that these conservative  researchers are projecting their prejudices onto their respondents.

They point out that young girls are discouraged from playing with cars as kids, and that an open egalitarian society would allow women to love cars.

Autogynephilia in Men

Professor Charles Moser has criticized Blanchard, arguing that such fantasies are also common among men.

In a study of male respondents he found that:
"By the common definition of ever having erotic arousal to the thought or image of driving around in an expensive sports car, 93% of the respondents would be classified as autogynephilic.  Using a more rigorous definition of 'frequent' arousal to multiple items,  and the more generic term "car", 28% would be classified as autogynephilic."
Blanchard has dismissed the study arguing that the socio-cultural context for driving men is completely different from the one of women. Men do not get aroused by the idea of driving a sports car, according to Blanchard, they get aroused by the fact that the car will attract women. They get turned on by women, he says, not cars.

Evolutionary dead end

Philosopher Felix Conrad has drawn attention to the fact that Blanchard thinks of autogynephilia as an evolutionary dead end for women, while he finds it natural that men buy expensive cars:

"Why on earth should men's love for cars be less evolutionary disadvantageous than the feelings of women?" he asks.

The reason is probably because Blanchard & Co still live in a world where women are coy and passive and men are outgoing and sexually aggressive. As Blanchard points out: "The car is the peacock feathers of modern man, not of the modern woman."

Bailey has argued that a woman with a sports car is likely to scare away men. The fact that autogynephiles are as likely to marry and get kids as non-autogynephiles is ignored.

We see a repeating pattern in that Blanchard and his followers seem to ignore commonly acknowledged facts as well as input from women who love cars.

The sexologist and Blanchard supporter James Cantor puts it this way:
"We are scientists and our facts are always facter that the facts of those who experience such conditions. What do they know?"
Loving cars as something natural

Jack Molay, a trans-supportive blogger, accepts that women who love cars exist:

"There is nothing unnatural and perverted in liking cars," he says, "no more than loving clothes,  jewelry or art."

He has coined a new and less toxic term for women who love cars: "autocrossdreamers".

Autogynephilia as romantic attachment

To our knowledge, there has been only one "autogynephile" woman who has embraced the autogynephilia theory.

Anne Lawrence, author of the book Women Trapped in Steel Bodies, believes the attraction to cars is a separate sexuality which also includes romantic notions of long term commitment.

She still has the VW Beetle she bought back in 1981.
Anne Lawerence in her car "Herbie".

Other so-called "separatist" trans women have worked hard to stop the term from being used against them.

Kay Brown, who runs the blog On the Science of Changing Gears, has spent a lot of time crunching statistics in order to prove that women who love airplanes are not in the same positions as those who love cars.

The statistics show that a lot of women who love airplanes also love cars, but Brown (following Blanchard) argues that they are all lying.

"They pretend to love airplanes because it makes them socially acceptable. But there is no aerogynephilia," she says. In other words: Some transport women are perverts, but she is not.

Brown insists that the psyche of those who love cars is so different from those who do, that the two group should be offered different health care services.

"Young, vulnerable, women who love men, should not be forced to sit in the same room as old, mannish, autogynephiliacs," she says. She has suggests that transport health clinics bring in autogynecologists. who can focus on helping the autogynephiles only.

Trans-exclusionary radical feminists

The autogynephilia theory has also gained the attention of radical feminists. Trans-exclusionary Radical Feminist Cathy Brennan has done her best to stop car-loving women from gaining access to feminist festivals.
Doxing of autogynephiliac.
Photo from Cathy Brennan's transport-exclusionary
radical feminist blog Gender Identity Watch.
(ysbrandcosijn)

"These should be weehmyn's parking spaces only," she argues in an interview. "We cannot have perverted and greasy wannabe men threaten the safety of real weehmyn."

One of Brennan's favorite hobbies is scouring the internet for pictures of naked transfolk and reposting them on her blog.

Rumours of her owning a 1973 Thunderbird has been vehemently denied.

The boys of Breitbart

Right wing conservatives, and especially those of the religious persuasion, have also embraced the theory, and use it actively on sites like Breitbart and The Federalist.

As one so-called "nationalist" argued over at Breitbart:
"Women loving cars is unnatural and against American values. Women should be home in the kitchen, taking care of their man and their children, not driving around making their men cucks."
This entry got strong support from a representative of the Saudi Arabian embassy, who pointed out that in their country women cannot even get a driver's licence.

A fundamentalist "Evangelical" chimed in: "Did Jesus allow women to drive cars? Of course not! Jesus was a true Conservative supporting traditional values and white Americans."

The Romans and the Pharisees were not available for comment.

The right wing extremists have now presented so-called highway  bills, where women who own cars will no longer be allowed to use public roads, as they are considered a threat to travelling children and female passengers.

The Texas BS2 law is expected to be adapted later this year, unless the petroleum and car industries manage to stop it.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott has caused some consternation by his controversial remarks about women's ability to park cars. But this week he went one step further, arguing that: "If we allow women to drive on public roads, what's next? Should be let them work outside the home as well?"
President Knowles-Carter has publicly dismissed the
autogynephilia theory as "sexist nonsense".

President Beyoncé G. Knowles-Carter is expected to implement new regulations aimed at  stopping such highway laws shortly:

"These misogynistic laws go against what it means to be a true American," she told the New York Times.

"This is a democratic country. This is a free country. And we give our citizens room to make their own journeys, finding their own true selves, whether they travel by car or in the  spirit."

Hashtags: #AlternativeHistory #AlternativeFacts #ParallellDimension

Click here for a presentation of the autogynephilia theory of our dimension. 



Transgender on tumbr, stories beyond crossdreaming

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From blog post on Casa Susanna, a 1950s Trans Hideaway
Some of you will know that my wife and I have trans blogs on tumblr. These are more for quick references to recent transgender news and articles, plus from reblogging relevant blog post on gender variance.

The blogs are actually quite popular. Trans Express  and Sally's LGBT blog have 10,000 followers combined.

Here are some blog posts that might interest you:

One in Every 137 Teenagers Would Identify as Transgender, Report Says
Older people have been suppressing gender variance in themselves and others for years. The new generations are much more open about this. The new numbers tells us that the percentage of people who are trans have been severely underestimated.

The real cause for bathroom hysteria
is the fear or the unknown or -- in other cases -- the need for a scapegoat that can carry your own undigested frustrations.

See also Three myths in the bathroom debate.





Transgender bathroom segregation? We have been there before. 
To me the parallel is clear. Bigots use bathroom to ostracise, invalidate and control. This applied to people of color in the racist South and Apartheid South Africa as well as trans women today. 

I really hit a sore spot with this one, as several transphobic TERFs (trans-exclusionary radical feminists) tried to divert the discussion by accusing me of being a racist "liberal". My response was this post on violence against black trans women.



The recent backlash against trans people worries me a lot. The worse thing that could happen to crossdreamers and other trans people right now is that they feel forced to retreat back into the closet again. I realize that the North Carolina case is not clear cut, but the fact that all the reactionary and hateful bathroom bills in the US have been defeated gives me hope. 

How the right-wing proponents of these laws can call themselves Christian is beyond me. This hatred comes from another place. But this tells us, I guess, that hatred can twist any faith or ideology to its purpose. These so-called "Conservatives" turn the gospel of love into a gospel of hate, while the TERFs turn feminist liberation into hypermasculine hatred.

I think it is no coincidence that both Ray Blanchard and Paul R. McHugh have  Catholic backgrounds (as Lisa Mullin has pointed out before). The idea that sex is only for procreation stands strong in Catholic theology (as well as the pseudo-Darwinism of Blanchard). In this blog post I present Brynn Tannehill's debunking of McHugh's recent paper on trans.

Sally posted this poem by Kaitlyn Alexander on realizing you might be neither a girl, nor a boy. I love it!



Sometimes I find some really good stuff over at reddit. And did I tell you that I am a big admirer of Beyonce? I am not very good at being a racist. Sorry TERFs!

If cis dress up sexy, they are considered healthy. If male to female transgender persons do so, they are classified as autoerotic perverts. A cis woman is dressing up. A trans woman is told she is a crossdressing fetishist. Double standards, indeed!

I have written about gender variance in the animal kingdom before. Here is a story about sparrows with two  distinct types of males who look and behave quite differently.

In this post I present some input from trans people on the "male privilege" argument. There is no doubt in  my mind that male privilege is a real thing, but it is not the only dimension to look at when trying to understand power and persecution. 


Most popular
My most popular blog posts on tumblr are those that presents the lives of trans people, preferably in a positive context. I know that a lot of young trans people follow our blogs and stories like these ones give them hope: 


My post on the National Geographic issue on trans had 50,000 likes and reblogs. This tells me that positive presentation in respected publications means a lot to trans people and their families and friends.

See also Sally's post on Some trans people on Instagram.

The whole world
The China blog post demonstrates that reports on transgender people outside the "Western Hemisphere" generates interest. Here are some more:


Photo by Savannah Baker.

The Directory of Crossdreamer and Transgender Resources

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The word of crossdreaming and gender variance has gotten its new directory.
(Photo: Patrick Milo)

I find it hard to believe myself, but I have been working on this blog for over eight years now. That inevitably means that there are posts and pages here that no longer deliver in the way I want them to.

There are, for instance, a lot of resource pages here, pages that were set up to help people find relevant information online about crossdreaming, "autogynephilia" and transgender issues. The main page had become too long and unruly.

So today I have divided it up into several directory sub-pages. This adds a click to the process of finding information, but it makes it easier to find relevant items under each category.

Articles on gender, gender variance and crossdreaming

Resource sites on gender variance and crossdreaming

AGP Debate:  articles, papers and sites covering the controversial autogynephilia theory

Books on crossdreaming, gender identity and trans sexuality

Science: Scientific papers on gender variance and crossdreaming

Forums: Organizations and online discussion forums

Blogroll:  Blogs and personal sites on crossdreaming and gender variance

Transgender Dictionary

Essential Crossdreamer.com Posts

My next task will be to go through all listings and see if some links have gone stale.

If you know of articles, sites or resources that are not there, but should have been, add a comment to this post!

Tomboy or trans: The main misconceptions in the current transgender debate

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On April 18 Lisa Selin Davis published an article in the New York Times called My Daughter Is Not Transgender. She’s a Tomboy.  She was clearly annoyed with the fact that some people think of her gender-nonconforming kid as transgender. Davis believes that her child is just that: non-conforming when it comes to gender roles.
Photo: Digital Vision

I have included some links to the following debate below.

Needless to say, TERFs and other transphobes have tried to use this article to argue that transgender activists are trying to turn perfectly normal cis kids into trans kids, and even entice them into transitioning.

There are even arguments about being trans becoming "trendy", which -- given the 40 percent attempted suicide rate among trans people -- is both stupid and insulting.

There are three fundamental misconceptions that drive this debate.

Transgender is not the same as transsexual

Davis and others seem to believe that the word transgender means transsexual, in the sense that a transgender person wants to -- or should -- transition and live as their target sex.

This is not what transgender means. Transgender is an umbrella term for all types of gender variance and have been so since the early 1990s. A tomboy (a girl that expresses stereotypical masculine traits or interests) is transgender by this definition.


Gender identity is not binary, but a continuum

I believe this misinterpretation of the word transgender is based in another common misconception, namely the idea that there is a clear and distinct boundary between transgender and non-transgender on the one hand and between male and female on the other.

Transgender is therefore understood as moving from one exclusive gender to the other. All other forms of gender variance are ignored.

What I have learned as transgender and as a trans activist is that there is much diversity as regards transgender experiences and identities. Some are gender dysphoric and identify fully with their target sex or true gender. Others are OK with living as their assigned gender, but experience a deep-felt need to express some traits that are normally associated with the "other" gender.

We are facing a kind of multi-dimensional continuum where the "gender violations" may be associated with different biological, psychological, cultural and social factors:
  • Gender expression (as in clothes or mannerisms)
  • Masculinity and femininity (like in "butch", "femme" or something else)
  • Gender atypical interests (like a woman becoming a solider or a truck driver)
  • Gender identity (as in "I am a man", "I am a woman", "I am neither man nor woman". "I am both man and woman")
  • Sexual orientation (male to female trans persons may love women, female to male trans people may love men)
Some transgender people feel alienated from their assigned gender as regards all these dimensions. Some are  challenging just some of the culturally defined expectations. We should also keep in mind that some might have benefited from transitioning, but do not do so for a wide variety of reasons. 

Unfortunately even trans people are now arguing that being transgender is the same as moving socially over to "the other team", which leaves no room for ambiguity and little room for the long journey.

Gender identities shift

What I find even more disturbing is the idea that there is no transgender journey of self exploration and that your conscious gender identity is fixed for life.

I am open to the idea that our basic gendered orientation in the world is at least partly hard-wired, but that does not mean that transgender people cannot move from one conscious identification to another (as opposed to from one underlying identity to another).

The social pressure to conform to assigned gender roles and identities is extreme. For years I tried to live up to the idea that I was a man. I actively repressed the other side of me, and it took a life crisis for me to finally face who I truly was.

Davis cannot possibly know whether her kid is "just a tomboy" or "really a boy". By insisting that the child is a girl, she is actually limiting this child's ability to find out for themselves. Kids are not stupid, they sense what their parents want and try to live up to it.

(Indeed, in another article by Davis we find that her child has actually clearly stated that they are a boy!)

And as Helen Boyd points out: "Any assumption that the child being a trans boy is a worse or ‘less real’ outcome than the child being a tomboy is also transphobic."

We should all stop trying to judge and define the identities of children. Give them time to explore their gender. Given room they will, in time, decide for themselves.


How language makes us shame women, femininity and trans people

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Culture's contempt of women and femininity drives many male to female crossdreamers and trans people back into the closet. Bullying and harassment play important roles, but language itself also shapes the way we think about sex and gender.
Woman as vampire (Edvard Munch)


The reason so many seem to despise male to female gender crossings more than the female to male ones, is that being a woman is understood as something negative. Womanhood is associated with weakness, both physical and mental.

To use the terminology of the day: Women are less privileged than men, and the dream of becoming a woman is therefore a sign of some kind of mental desease or madness. A woman striving for masculine interests and expressions, on the other hand, is reaching for greatness.

There is no factual foundation for such misogynistic beliefs, in the sense that biology gives women more or less the same abilities and temperaments as men. To the extent there are differences, they do not influence women’s abilities to take part in modern society negatively. They are as good as men (and even better if we look at the current enrollment in higher education). Still, even seemingly clear headed people fall back into the pool of stereotypes over and over again.

Internalized misogyny

This has obviously a profound effect on male to female gender variant people, from the occasional male to female (MTF) crossdresser to the transgender woman. They all sense that many people look down upon their identities and choices. This is also why so many male to female crossdreamers and transgender people stay in the closet.

Indeed, you will also see that many MTFs themselves share many of these prejudices, as expressed in fantasies, stories and role playing.


Upbringing and social conditioning

The traditional way of explaining this is that it is an effect of upbringing. If your family, friends and peers tell you that being a male to female transgender person makes you «a sissy» or «a faggot» (terms associated with femininity in men, and by implication the much feared homosexuality) and some kind of mentally ill pervert, it makes sense not to tell anyone.

Still, crossdreamers and transgender people raised in more forgiving environments may also feel shame and embarrassment. One reason for this is that the misogyny and fear of femininity is not always explicit. It is implicit, ingrained in language itself.

Words for woman reflect how society considers women

My wife and I had a brainstorming the other day while out hiking. Getting away from the city center makes it easier to look at everyday life from another angle. We started discussing how terms for male and female carry connotations or associations that are positive or negative.

A often used example in the English language media is how the word for promiscuity among men, «stud», has positive connotations, while the term «slut» is always negative.

We found it very hard to find a Norwegian term for man that was completely negative. The closest we got was gubbe, which means a somewhat pathetic and old guy. We had no problem finding negative words for women, especially if we looked at words used for the last century or so.

There is taus, of course, which the dictionary will tell you is a female servant, but which until quite recently was also used for women in general. The word means «silent». The word taus is related to the word tøs, which means prostitute or slut. No subtlety there.

Then there is the word vekje, which is found in some Norwegian dialects, which is used for girls. The word means «weak». So instead of talking about "boys and girls", they would refer to "boys and weaklings."
Jomfru, tøs and kjerring, the three roles of women.
(Edvard Munch)

This approach to gender – making male the much wanted default, and female a weak and pitiful derivative – is found in an expression often used after a child birth: Vart det ein gut eller eit bonn? («Is it a boy or a child?»)

Hundred years ago one of the most positive words for woman was jomfru, used for young, unmarried women. The parallell to Jomfru Karlsen in English would be Miss Karlsen. But here's the catch: The word jomfru also means "virgin". No one would ever call a young man a virgin. And a young woman with a healthy sexual appetite would be a tøs, a slut.

The word kjerring is derived from Norse karl, meaning "man". The parallel in English would we woman, which originates in wifman, from wif (woman) and man (man).These words for women do not denote them as something unique. Instead, women's identity is derived from and relative to men.


Contemporary Norwegians do not know that the word kjerring is derived from mann, so that connotation is probably lost on them. These days some people may think of it as a neutral word meaning "wife", but common associations are "old", "ugly", "troublesome", "worn out", which is the opposite of a young, unmarried, woman or a lady of the bourgeoisie (who are called damer, "ladies").

But this is the only case we can think of where there are similarly negative words for men: kall (which comes from the term karl explained above) or gubbe as in husband.
Kjerring (T Kittelsen)

On the other hand the word kjerring may also be used to describe a man in the meaning of a coward or a quarrelsome person. He behaves like a woman.

When women become girls

To be sure, many of these expressions are dying out in contemporary Norway, a country dominated by progressive ideas of equality and female liberation.

But even now language twist and turns to allow for new ways of belittling women. The trend now is to use the word jente (girl) for all women, regardless of age.

This could reflect the current desire for eternal youth, but it might also reflect an implicit idea that women are children, psychologically and mentally, til the day they die. You rarely see the same use of gutt («boy») for adult men.

By the way, you see the exact same thing happen in the English language.

The proliferation of negative terms for woman obviously not a phenomenon limited to Norwegian. In the English language you have a wide variety of synonyms for "woman" that is are not meant to be flattering or respectful, like" bag", "battleaxe", "bimbo", "bitch", "broad", "chicken head", "cow", "crone", "dog", "dragon", "fishwife", "fury", "gorgon", "hag", "harpy", "harridan", "ratchet", "she-devil", "shorty", "shrew", "termagant", "trout", "virago", "vixen", "witch" -- it goes on and on.

You will not find a similar number of negative synonyms for men, I can assure you.


The Kiel Transgender Film Festival 2017 - The Awards

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The Kiel Transgender Festival Headquarters
(photo by the festival)
Here are the awards from this year's Transgender Film Festival
in Kiel, Germany.

Movies gives transgender people a human face and makes it harder to turn them into stereotypes.

This applies to all: Those who transition and those who do not. Drag queens and crossdressers. Gender variant kids and those who have lived for a while.

It seems to me this year's transgender film festival in Kiel has managed to capture the breadth of the transgender community.

Best Film of the Year: 

Ekaj by Cati Gonzalez


Best Trans-Performance:

Jonny Beauchamp in Thirsty. 

Elle Fanning in Three Generations 
Thirsty (facebook)

Best Actress (non-tg-role):

Naomi Watts in Three Generations.

Beste Actor (non-tg-role):

Badd Idea in Ekaj.

Best long Documentary:

Lucyby Melinte Reitzema



Best Song:

"All that I am" by Nicky Egan in film Thirsty.


Best Short Film:

Princess by Karsten Dahlem


Best Trans-Performance in a Short Film:

Phillip Breu in Princess.

Best actor in a Short Film (non-tg-role):

Marc Benjamin Puch in The Wedding Patrol.

Best actress in a Short Film (non-tg-role):

Ava Taremizad in Princess.

Best short documentary:

Lip Sync 1000 by Joseph Wilson



Best Poster:

Thirsty. 

Best Website for a Film:

Transit Havana.

Best Music Video:

"Hum Hain Happy" by 6 Pack Band


The festival also presents awards for erotic entertainment. 

Transgender Film Festival on Facebook.

See also: Great movies, documentaries and web series from the Transgender Film Festival in Kiel 2016

Masculinity, anime, and autogynephilia

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I noticed that some TERFs (trans-exclusionary radical feminists) and other anti-trans activist linked to an article by SocialJusticeWizard over at Medium. The author makes some interesting observations about the Japanese fondness of cuteness and crossdreamer fantasies. But since they use the autogynephilia theory to interpret what they see, some of the conclusions are problematic, to say the least.
The extreme feminine cuteness in Japanese anime
might be an effect of forced hypermasculinity, but it
is not the cause of crossdreaming

The idea that porn turns people into crossdreamers is to put the cart in front of the horse, as I see it.

Here's my comment, as published over at Medium:

I do appreciate the effort in trying to understand male to female transgender people who crossdream. I am sure you are right about the feminine cuteness of Japanese popular culture being a hypercorrection to lives imprisoned in masculine hardness.

But the connection to “autogynephilia” is not convincing, and I am saying this as one who has worked with male crossdreamers (people who fantasize about becoming their target gender) for more than ten years.

You are clearly aware of the weakness in your theory yourself:
“I don’t have a straightforward explanation of why this identification also leads to the development of autogynephilia — why the boy begins desiring to be sexually passive and submissive, even becoming ‘pseudo bisexual’ in Blanchard’s terms, when he is originally heterosexual.”
First of all: Most male assigned people do not become crossdreamers. This also applies to those that have repressed their more vulnerable or feminine side to the point you are describing. The great majority of men watch porn. That does not make them crossdreamers. Many men read manga and watch anime. That does not make them crossdreamers.


Moreover, the majority of the male to female crossdreamers I know report crossdreams from an early age, before puberty. Many of them grew up before the Internet and did not have access to the kind of media you describe. Many of them hadn’t seen porn until long after they became aware of their crossdreaming. Some do not watch porn at all. They still dream of becoming women and have sex as women.

And yes, in spite of what Blanchard says, there are also a lot of female to male crossdreamers. They also love anime and manga, but of a very different sort.

All of this implies that there is something else that causes crossdreaming, a factor X that is there from a very early age and that might even be inborn. Your idea of a repression of the “feminine” still makes sense. They are drawn to such comics and stories because they find a language there that makes sense of their feelings. Transgender people, like all others, are influenced by the surrounding culture. If that culture is misogynistic, their fantasies might also be.

Most serious researchers on trans these days believe crossdreaming can be just one of many ways a repressed gender identity expresses itself. This even applies to the DSM-5.

I am surprised that you refuse to consider sexual submission as a natural instinct. Why shouldn’t it be? People in the BDSM community are very clear about this: Do not confuse the sexual instinct of being the receptive partner in bed with social submissiveness. Sexual submissiveness in neither good not bad. It just is.

The MTF crossdreamer may actually be wired for preferring the receptive role in bed (a preference shared by many cis women). This may also explain why some MTF crossdreamers who are primarily attracted to women have fantasies of being penetrated by men or women. The most meaningful parallel is found in the way some cis lesbians play with strap-ons and watch gay male porn.

For some crossdreamers sexual submissiveness is mixed up with fantasies of social submissiveness, as you point out, but I know enough about the fantasies of crossdreamers to tell you that a lot of them dream of becoming strong and independent women, not playthings for men. This is also reflected in transgender literature. Indeed, you will find that most of the MTF crossdreamers who do transition are not walk-overs in any way. (Julia Serano comes to mind. Read Whipping Girl!).

Research into the fantasies of cis women also show that many of them have fantasies of being forcefully taken, even if they would all agree that rape is a crime in real life. Fifty Shades of Grey is a horrible collection of badly written sexist clichés, but that does not stop many women from being turned on by it. You have to distinguish between sexual fantasies and what people think is OK in real life.

Finally: The autogynephilia theory is a collection of sexist and transphobic 19th century stereotypes that have been thoroughly debunked by both researchers and transgender activist. Seriously: Blanchard thinks gender identity can be reduced to sexual orientation! This is the classical inversion theory taken to its extreme. It is scientific nonsense. Read my write-up on autogynephilia here.

The Transgender Clash of Narratives

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Much of the conflicts and misunderstandings in the transgender debate seems to be caused by what we can call the clash of transgender narratives. As I see it, they do not have to be in conflict.
Photo: Jupiter Images


The trapped in body narrative

We hear the phrase over and over again: "I feel like a woman trapped in a man's body." "I feel like a woman trapped in a man's body".

For many (but not all) transgender people, the phrase does capture something essential about how they feel about themselves, especially if they are suffering from gender dysphoria, a deep sense of discomfort caused by a mismatch between their assigned gender and the way they feel gender wise.

The narrative is popular among sex and gender researchers steeped in the neurophysiological tradition.

The main explanation given is that during the pre-natal brain development of a fetus it is exposed to an unusual flow of hormones that feminizes the brain of male to female transgender persons and masculinizes the ones of those assigned female.

This model  does leave room for nonbinary persons and those who do not fully identify with one or the other gender, as the exposure to this unusual hormonal mix may vary. However, these people are often ignored in the debate.

The main problem with this narrative is that many of its supporters have a tendency of turning the concept of female or male into a well defined "thing", and that the definition of a woman or a man is reduced to a well defined list of abilities, interests, personality traits and expressions.


To get past medical gate keepers trans people have for years tried to live up to these idealized archetypes of what being male and female is or should be, in order to get access to hormones and surgery.

The problem is that the differences we see between non-transgender men and women as regards these variables are very small, to the point of  nonexistent, and to the extent they are meaningful, they only make sense on an aggregated level.

To put it this way: A woman who is an outgoing, assertive, fighter pilot interested in maths and computing, is still  a woman.

The social construction narrative

While the first narrative is dominated by biology and the natural sciences, the other one is born out of philosophy and the social sciences. This explains why the social construction narrative so easily disregards the role of the body in gender variance or biological causes for gender dysphoria.

Instead the social construction narrative focuses on the role of upbringing, cultural mores, and the way language shapes thought.

We are socially conditioned into a world view defined by language and power, and in the modern world the dominant way of thinking about sex and gender is that there are two separate genders with unique abilities and personality traits. Because of this there are separate gender roles, and that is why we  have a society ruled by men (the Patriarchy). Men are deliberately or unconsciously using the narrative to control women.

By referring to contemporary cultures that have different gender models, and to cultural variation throughout history, the social constructionists argue that these gendered relationships have nothing to do with nature, but everything to do with power and language.
By deconstructing the language and
system that imprison us, philosophy
aims at setting us free.
Illustration: Digital Vision

Their most convincing argument is probably the modern liberation of women. While women in the early 20th century were considered incapable of becoming scientists, politicians, police or soldiers, they are now dominating higher education and even surpassing boys as regards maths in the schools of some countries.

Most (if not all) gender stereotypes have turned out to be nothing but prejudices.

Within this narrative diversity and malleability as regards identity and expression is the natural way of things, and the gender binary is the unnatural model.

The main problem with this approach is that it is hard to explain why some people, and not others, become transgender, in spite of them growing up in similar environments and even in the same families.

Moreover, if the social conditioning is so strict, and human gender is so flexible and malleable, why doesn't everyone become straight and cisgendered? Why on earth would someone feel compelled to expose themselves to homophobic and transphobic ridicule and harassment, if they could just as well live as what society defines at "normal".

Indeed, this is the argument made by some transphobic "radical feminists". They use the social construction approach to invalidate the identity of trans women, arguing that you cannot be a woman unless you are raised as one, so trans women who say they feel like women are either lying or mentally disturbed.

However, as both gay and transgender people will tell you: They did not choose to become this way. They are real. Their feelings and experiences are undeniable. And as the great majority of scientist in the area will tell you: They are not mentally ill.

Bridging the narratives

The main trend in current sex and gender research on the biology side is to think of body, mind and culture as one complex system of interactions and feedback loops.

Genes define a potential, hormones activates some of these potentials and ignore others. Environmental factors -- from toxins to stress -- may also activate or deactivate genes (epigenetics) and culture and language definitely influences the way we unfold ourselves in the world.

The complexity of such systems makes it much, much, harder to sort people into clearly defined boxes with no overlap between them.

This is why you can same that same-sex attraction has a biological basis while at the same time argue that homosexuality (the explanation for why this attraction takes place) is a social construct. In all cultures men make love to men, but the way they explain why they do so will vary. The biological "wiring" for sexual attraction is also a continuum, and not a binary, as is any biological drive towards identifying as one or both genders.

In the same way you will find male assigned persons who in some way or the other associate themselves with women in all cultures, but how they do so and their explanations for why they do so will vary.

This is also why I will argue that the "man trapped in a woman's body" is helpful as a metaphor in a specific social context, but useless as a well defined scientific explanation that is supposed to be valid for all human beings.

This is also why I believe the social construction approach to gender is very helpful, but that the dogmatic insistence that biological sex and social gender have absolutely nothing in common is not.

The Western mind is good at dichotomies, binaries, linear explanations, at reducing the cause of everything to one simple explanation or factor. As soon as we accept that complex systems like the human mind and body and its interaction with the environment is far from simple and linear, transgender lives become understandable.

The problem that remains

Still, as transgender people we are still left with one hard riddle: What does gender identity really mean in such a complex world? What does it mean when I say that I identify as a woman, even if I live and present as a man? If my identity is not defined by my interests or personality traits, then what is it?

Well, first of all, if this is a complex system dominated by biological, psychological, social and cultural feedback loops, personality traits may still play an important role.

A male to female trans kid who hates rough and tumble play and an female to male trans kid who loves it may still say that this trait is part of who they are as gendered beings. But their respective preferences do not in any way prove that they are men or women.

As many therapists will tell you, transgender people also often gravitate towards stereotypical interests or expressions, because they by doing so are more likely to be affirmed as their target sex, in role playing or in real life. That affirmation means a lot in lives where respect and love are rare commodities.

This is not that different from the way young straight cis girls embrace Barbie dolls and unicorns, because by doing so they  will have their gender reaffirmed by others. Kids love to be loved and they soon learn what makes their friends and parents happy.

Young girls are not wired for pink, but they are wired for seeking out the comfort and safety of friends and family, and if pink brings them that comfort, so be it. But in no way does their Barbie fascination prove that they are women or any interest in guns that they are not.

I suspect that what drives transgender people to identify with their target sex (in varying degrees and with varying intensity) is not a complete set of traits and abilities, but rather an instinctual drive towards living as a man, woman or nonbinary person in the world.

This factor X is not defined by stereotypes. It is simply a trigger that compels both cis and trans people to seek acceptance as gendered beings. And yes, that trigger has probably biological roots similar to the ones found in many animals.

So in me there is an instinct that insists that I am a woman and that I should explore the world as a woman. But since I was born with a male body, was raised as a boy and still find myself presenting as a man, I am left with a jarring dissonance between what my inner drive tells me to be and the life I have to live.

Again: the term "a woman in a man's body" makes sense as a metaphor, even if we can spend days discussing what the word woman means to me and in my life.

Further reading:
 The Massey University Study of Transgender People
The cause of crossdreaming - an alternative model
Articles on gender, gender variance and transgender
Julia Serano: Transgender People and “Biological Sex” Myths


Telling your Girlfriend About Being a Crossdresser or Crossdreamer

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Last week I got an email from a male to female crossdreamer and occasional crossdresser who wondered what and how he could tell his girlfriend about his gender variance. 
Illustration: nuravectorgirl

His girlfriend had taken an open approach to his story, but was hesitant about the crossdressing. Now he was looking for ways of explaining his feelings to his girlfriend.

He is using male pronouns.

He also wondered if this crossdreaming would progress into something more, like in wanting to transition and live as a woman. At the moment he expresses no need to transition or dress publicly as a woman.

Here is my reply:

I wish I had a simple answer for you. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) there is so much variation among crossdreamers that it is hard to foresee what is going to happen in the future.

There are, as I see it, two main reasons for this:

1. Gender variance is a continuum, and whatever it is that triggers these dreams and desires come in different forms and intensity.

2. Some crossdreamers are on a journey. They gradually find out that they are somewhere else in that landscape than they originally thought. There is -- for obvious reasons -- a lot of repression going on.

There is a lot of variation among crossdressers and crossdreamers

I our survey of crossdreamers we found that 1/3 reported severe gender dysphoria (in the sense that they could be considered transsexual, and transitioning would be one possible solution).

I reckon that another 1/3 lives in what I have called the twilight zone, being some shade of non-binary or gender queer, while the final 1/3 feel comfortable in their assigned gender and their crossdreaming and crossdressing is more like a trait spicing up their life.


I belong to the 1/3 with gender dysphoria. I have not transitioned but I must warn you, my own experience might color the way I look at this.

I recently got a message, though, from an MTF crossdreamer who told me he had found that his thoughts of becoming a woman had practically disappeared an that he had found good ways of living his life a straight male. That happens too.

I guess what you have to do is to really allow yourself to feel what you truly are. One part of you probably already knows the answer to the question you is asking, but other parts are so busy trying to become "normal" that it is hard to hear it.

I spent years not even acknowledging the fact that I was some variant of transgender to myself.

I  recommend that you find some trans-positive therapists that can help you sort out your thoughts and feelings.

Telling your partner about this

Coming out to your girl friend was definitely the right thing to do. I lived with this secret for may years in my marriage. That is so hard to do.

My wife was pretty angry with me when she realized that I had kept such an important part of my life secret for her. This made it impossible for her to help me, and she could not understand my depressions.

When she finally found out she accepted this side of me fully. Not all women do (and I cannot really blame them, as they did not sign up for this), but many see past the gender and sexuality and look at the whole of the person they love.

Most women who find themselves in this situation fear that the one they love will transition, and given that sex is an important part of life, they are unable to think of themselves in a lesbian relationship. Others find that less complicated, but again, I cannot blame them for reacting any way they do.

Sometimes this works out (see the books of Helen Boyd ) and sometimes it does not. The only thing I find completely unacceptable is transphobic rants and harassment. I am glad your girl friend is open to all of this. Kudos to her!

The best would be if you could reassure your girl friend that you are sure you are not going to transition, but if you are not sure, this might come back and bite both you and her later on. This is why a therapist might be helpful.
Illustration: Ekaterina P

From what you tell me, you are not severely gender dysphoric, and you feel no need to transition. If that is the case, you are left with another issue that has to be resolved.

How do you develop a love life where there is room for your desire to -- sometimes -- explore your feminine side, while at the same time making sure that her needs -- whatever they are -- are met?

Many couples of this kind find roleplaying games and ways of being together that allows all these needs to be met.

You may play the strong manly man the one day, and the woman the next, while she may please you in the way your "inner woman" prefers one day and have you please her as the woman she wants to be the next.

What rarely works is a love life where your feminine side is completely suppressed, or where her needs are ignored. I guess I am talking about sensible compromises here.

I am sorry that I cannot be more precise. Ultimately you are the only one that can know what your true self is and what you should do to yourself and the one you love. But talking helps. It truly does.

Jack

More about crossdreaming, love and partnerships:

What Pepsi Cola Can Teach You About Sex and Gender

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Pepsi Max promises max masculinity, here symbolized by
three phallic bottles.
Pepsi Max is dying, and Coca Cola Zero is disappearing from our shelves. What is happening in the Cola world and what does it mean for sex, gender and the understanding of transgender lives?

The first time I heard about Pepsi Max was back in 1993. I saw some ads promising "Maximum Taste. No sugar." I remember my first reaction was: Why on earth would someone drink a cola drink that is not sweet?

When I did taste it, in France I believe, I realized it was just another no-calorie soft drink with an artificial sweetener.

It tasted more or less the same as Pepsi Light (Diet Pepsi for Anglo Saxon readers). For all practical purposes it seemed PepsiCo had launched the same drink with a different label.

Defined by the symbols, not the content

I was wrong. The drink might have been the same on the inside, but it was very different on the outside. The cans and bottles  were black, they were masculine and they had the word MAX written on them in glowing, testosterone-boosting, lettering.

Indeed, the advertising gave the same message. This was a calorie free "hard drink" for real men who would not be caught dead with something white and girlie.



It took a loooong time, but Coca Cola eventually got the message, launching Coca Cola Zero in 2005. The cola expert would probably be able to taste the difference between Coca Cola Light/Diet Coke and Coke Zero (given that the two contained different artificial sweeteners in some countries), but most people would find it hard to pass a blind test, in spite of constantly changing formulas.


Coca Cola did the same as Pepsi. Zero was black and manly, as opposed to feminine white of Coke Light. Both products were using sex as a sales point, but the intended audience was (mostly) different genders.



Cola from a gender identity perspective

I am sure you expect me to go all gender theory on you now, arguing that men and women are the same by nature (same biological content) while being socialized to behave differently due to language, symbols and semiotics (black vs. white labels).

Not quite. I belong to those who believe that biology plays a part in the development of gender identity as well as sexual orientation, but I do agree that as regards abilities and personality traits, there are -- at best -- only very small differences between men and women on average.

However, I do not belong to those who argue that all advertising should be gender neutral or that using signs to express gender is sexist and degrading. It can be. It often is. And that's bad. But appealing to someones gender and gender identity is not immoral in itself.

Zero and the sex object

Note that most of the zero calorie commercials focus on sex and sexuality. They present men and women as sexual objects, while at the same time giving the message that you will be desired as a woman if you drink Coca Cola Light and as a man if you drink Pepsi Max.
In a more egalitarian
culture men are also
objectified. This ad is not
targeting men.

In spite of what some feminists may tell you, most men and women do not actually mind being seen as sex objects, as long as it leads to something more personal and meaningful later down the line.

Seriously, how can you not objectify people you have never talked to,  in a bar, in a club, in the street or on Tinder?

Some of the ads might have been both bad and sexist (as the ones presented here), but Pepsi didn't invent the human need to be acknowledged as a desirable human being.

To distinguish between gender (culture) and sex (biology) makes perfect sense from an analytical perspective, but we must not be mislead to believe that biological sex and sexuality have nothing to do with gender. They are closely intertwined.
Definitely sexist.

It seems to me that most cultures reflect this need to express the differences between the genders -- even the ones without capitalism and modern marketing -- because  gender differences are  drivers of identity and attraction.

Transgender people long for this kind of affirmation too

This also applies to most gay, lesbian and bisexual people, as well as those transgender.

A butch lesbian is butch, because she is using masculine symbols to express her masculinity and her sexuality. In the same way many MTF crossdressers go for feminine clothing, because it makes it possible for them to express their femininity, sexuality and -- in many cases -- their female identity.

To remove sexuality from butch and femme expressions makes little sense to me.

The movie bound, made by the Wachowski siblings
(crossdreamers who later came out as trans women)
can serve as a great example of how terms like
butch and femme makes sense both as regards
sexuality and identity.


This use of gender expressions might even, in some cases,  apply to non-binary persons and those who are attracted to gender nonconforming people, because gender nonconformity may in some ways be defined by gender conformity. Androgyny and/or non-binary expressions may  reflect their particular blend of the masculine and the feminine.

In any case, not all gender variant people are non-binary at heart. They may try to find themselves some kind of social space where their gender variance is accepted, even if they do not transition, but this kind of gender nonconformity does not necessarily mean that they do not dream about being "the other" gender completely.

It seems to me that many of the crossdreamers and transgender people I have learned to know, identify fully with their target gender. Admittedly, I have had male to female crossdreamers tell me that they cannot possibly be women, because they are not attracted to men or they love computers, but that is the gender stereotypes talking, not their real identity.

Sexuality as a litmus test for gender identity

In fact, I am starting to believe that your sexual wiring (wanting to have sex as a man or a woman) is a better indicator for your "true" gender than interests or abilities.

To put it this way: A woman does not stop being a woman because she drives a truck and loves football. At the moment she starts dreaming about having sex as a man, however, it might make sense for her to seek out a gender specialist.
Who do you want to be? A man...

The need to have your gender affirmed sexually is relevant from a transgender perspective, because trans people -- more than most cis people -- know what it means to never have your true gender affirmed.

I am currently reading the new biography of Lou Sullivan, and what strikes me is that what the founder of the American FTM movement and transgender gay man wanted most of all was to be seen as a gay man among gay men, and be able to desire and be desired as a gay man -- not gender queer, not non-biary -- but as a man. And he wanted all the symbols that accompanies a male identity, including clothing and a body that could express his sexuality.

To me the main problem with pink and blue toys and girls' and boys' clothing (or black and white colas) is not that they are used to express gender identities, but that transgender people are forced to pick a color that do not fit their inner selves and that the number of two colors may be too limiting to some.

The reason the color pink has become a problem in child rearing is not that it signifies and affirms "girlhood", but that it is nearly always associated with stereotypical gender interests.  That is: The child's natural drive towards establishing a gendered identity is used to limit their future social, cultural and political freedom.
...or a woman?

As I see it,  an egalitarian society does not have to be a gender less society. It is, instead a society that respects all genders (male, female and others) and that does not stop people from becoming who they are because of their assigned gender.

Egalitarian culture and the fragile male ego

I suspect that PepsiCo's launch of Pepsi Max was based on the idea that men need to have their masculinity affirmed, and the more fragile their masculinity is, the more they seek out symbols that validate their place in society as a "real man" (whatever that is in that particular place and time).

The 1990s was the time when gender equality started to become given or self-evident in some parts of the world. This equality did not abolish the need to be seen and loved as a man or a woman. Quite the opposite: Now that your occupation or stereotypical interests no longer guaranteed your gendered place in society, people needed to find other ways of making the distinction visible.

In the 1990s men became increasingly aware of the fact that french fries and sugary Coke did not give you the abs or the health the surrounding culture was promoting as the perfect male role model. Men wanted to diet too, but without being caught doing so. Hence the manly cola drink.

The 2010's: The nonbinary cola

Pepsi goes gender neutral in 2009.
In 2009 Pepsi presented its new logo and its new branding, and in the US the masculine "MAX" was replaced by a much more subdued "max". The color was still black(ish), but beyond that the bottle was no more masculine than the rest of the series.

In other parts of the world the company kept the capital letter MAX part (although I believe it returned to the US later on).

Anyway, the 2009 Pepsi redesign was the sign that something was afoot in the world of colas, gender wise.

This move towards a more gender neutral Pepsi Cola was reaffirmed in 2016, when Pepsi even removed the name Max from bottles and cans, now calling it Pepsi Zero Sugar instead.

You will still find the MAX branding in some countries, though, like in parts of Europe and Australia. Whether they will remain is unclear to me. It makes sense to me  to keep the masculine Max label in egalitarian and "feminine" cultures like the ones in Scandinavia, because there men feel the strongest need to hold on to something they can use to express their masculinity, regardless of how meaningless that symbol might be.

Coca Cola is doing the same thing right now. Its new "One Brand Strategy" is unifying all Cola flavors under one brand and one color: red. The idea seems to be that the drink that is now called Coca Cola Zero Sugar, is simply a calorie free version of the classical sugary Cola, a drink that is targeting both men and women. In other words: Coca Cola is going gender neutral.

2015: Coke goes gender neutral in Spain.
 In 2017 Coca Cola Zero becomes Coca Cola Zero Sugar in large parts of the world.
I am sure you will see ads targeting man or women also in the future, but it seems clear that Coca Cola Zero Sugar is not longer a male alibi for drinking diet soft drinks. 

It is unclear to me to what extent the marketing people in these companies are consciously and deliberately going non-binary and whether this reflects the increasing tolerance of gender diversity among millennials.  

It could simply be that they are trying to focus their branding on the main trade mark (Pepsi and Coca Cola). I have also seen some argue that too many customers did not grasp that Pepsi Max was a no calorie drink, and that they therefore had to spell out the no sugar part.  

Regardless, the end effect is that the sub-brand no longer have the same power to reinforce and affirm gender identities as they once had. In a marketing world based on sex, sexuality and -- as often is the case -- sexism, I believe this will be a short lived trend.  If the cola companies cannot supply the gender symbols needed, someone else will. 

The LT Story: On How the Medical System Can Be Used To Force Transgender People Back Into The Closet

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Illustration photo by Evgenyata Manenko
The medical system continues to be used to invalidate transgender identities and force gender variant people to live up to the expectations of traditional gender roles and identities.  

Here is the story about a member of the Crossdream Life forum, a Portuguese MTF transgender youth, who was committed to a mental hospital by force, most likely for being transgender.

Last fall the Crossdream Life Forum (CDL) got a new member, a Portuguese, 19 year old, male to female transgender.

I always use the term transgender in its wide umbrella sense, indicating some kind of gender variance. As far as I am concerned it is always up to the transgender person to decide what this means as regards gender identity and pronouns. She accepts both female and gender neutral pronouns. She thinks of herself as feminine transgender and non-binary.

Since this article is about a person who is still in a legal conflict with the medical establishment, I am going to refer to her as LT here.

The threat: Hospitalization and anti-psychotic drugs

I had met LT for a couple of times in the CDL chat room. She normally kept herself in the background, but would offer a comment from time to time. I remember I tried to entice her to tell us something more about her, but at the time she preferred not to.

Later on, however, she became more open in the chat room, and in July this year, I got a disturbing personal message from her. A doctor threatened to put her in a mental hospital, planning to give her anti-psychotic drugs.

She told me about parents who did not understand her, and who definitely did not accept her transfeminine nature. LT argued that her parents thought of her as “crazy”. I doubt they used the term in its clinical sense.


Much of the conflict between her and her parents seem to reflect typical parent/teenager issues, like “being lazy at school”, “being immature”, “wanting to go hitchhiking”, “spending too much money on videogames” and so on.

She on her side, describe them as “hating her” and “wanting to hurt her”, while at the same time admitting that they also love her (or at least love the person they think of as their son).

There is, as far as I can see, nothing unusual in any of this, and most certainly not anything that requires commitment to a hospital.

Anger and frustration

There is, however, one episode in this story that might have triggered the whole chain of events leading up to the hospitalization. Her anger and frustration had caused her to become physically violent towards her mother.

This is something she regrets, but there is no doubt that such an incident took place.

Transgender issues

Parallel to this development, there was also this: LT had gone to a psychologist for a while, and this therapist had asked LT if it was OK if she told LT’s parents about her gender issues. LT had accepted this, and the psychologist did talk to her parents.

This did apparently not have any effect on their view of LT. To this day they refuse to think of her as any kind of transgender.

Instead of approaching this therapist, LT was asked to talk to a psychiatrist. LT believes her parents had told this psychiatrist what her psychologist had told them.

The psychiatrist did ask LT about her sexual orientation. LT responded that this was about her gender identity, not sexuality. She is right about that, and the question itself indicates that this psychiatrist has a rather rudimentary understanding of what transgender means.

Xeplion - an anti-psychotic drug

Illustration photo by Katarzyna Bialasiewicz
According to LT, the doctor suggested that taking Xeplion could be part of preparing her for gender therapy:
“He said somethin’ like u know it’s hard to get into hrt so u gotta be prepared for it,take these monthly injection prescriptions so u will feel better.”
Xeplion is an antipsychotic drug used in the treatment of schizophrenia and psychosis. Schizophrenia is thought of as one possible cause of psychosis. It is never used in the treatment of gender dysphoria.

Disregarding gender variance

If the doctor was serious about this comment regarding hormone replacement therapy, this comment would have to mean that he believed the anger issue would have to be sorted out first, before any gender related issues.

Anyone who knows anything about the stigmatization, shaming and invalidation transgender people are facing on a daily basis, knows that potential anger issues are closely related to the gender issue, however. If transgender people get angry this is nearly always because they are not seen and respected as their real gender, and because they are forced to play the role of someone they are not.

The normal way of treating gender dysphoria is talk therapy combined with counselling and -- if relevant -- hormone replacement therapy and surgery.

You might give a gender dysphoric client a mild anxiety reducing drug, if they are in a panic, but you do not give them Xeplion, which will make it hard for them to process their feelings and come to a clear understanding of their real identity.

Xeplion is a paliperidone, a antipsychotic drug primarily used for schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder. The side effects most frequently reported are insomnia, headache, anxiety, upper respiratory tract infection, injection site reaction, parkinsonism, weight increase, akathisia, agitation, sedation/somnolence, nausea, constipation, dizziness, breast growth and musculoskeletal pain. (More here).

The problem with the schizophrenia diagnosis

From what I understand, the only meaningful reason for diagnosing her with psychosis, would be if this psychosis was caused by schizophrenia.

The American Psychiatric Manual, The DSM-5, says that a schizophrenia diagnosis requires persistence of two of five symptomatic criteria ("delusions, hallucinations, disorganized speech, disorganized behavior or catatonia, and negative symptoms").

I have been communicating with LT for a long time now. She seems like a very clear headed, intelligent and intellectually coherent teenager. She is angry, yes, but who wouldn't, given these circumstances.

What’s truly ironic is that the whole schizophrenia diagnosis is being dismissed by more and more experts for being a pretty random collection of symptoms caused by a wide variety of factors, not all of them biological, and not all of them similar.

In other words: Schizophrenia is not a real illness “out there”. It is just a concept doctors use when psychiatrists are facing behavior they do not understand. (More here  and here).

LT's objections were ignored

In her message to me LT expressed outrage at this suggested treatment. It seemed to her this was yet another way of invalidating her female identity, and that the drug was an attempt to cure her for what the doctor believed was psychotic delusions:
“So it’s likely he diagnoses transgender or at least someone who’s a bearded man on the outside and claims to be trans as a delusioned schizophreniac and uses these awful injections as a way to cope with both.”
There is much in the series of events that follows that indicates that LT was right in her assertion.

There is one more point regarding this psychiatrist that has to be raised. He might argue that the reason he suggested Xeplion was not that she suffered from gender delusions, but that LT had said that her parents were out to kill her. She might have said something to that effect.

To me LT argued that “Denying my real self like that and trying to kill it is no different from actually killing me.”

Again I am reminded of the kind of language used between teenagers and their parents. Hyperbole like this is a linguistic effect used constantly by teenagers. There is no doubt that LT feels that her parents represents an existential threat to her ability to live her life as herself, however. They have told her that her being transgender is just a phase caused by bad influences, and what she experienced later on seems to prove that.

LT told me at the time that her parents had threatened to send her to a psychiatric hospital, if she did not take the drug the psychiatrist had suggested. The psychiatrist said the same thing.

Hospitalization and forced injections

She was committed to a psychiatric hospital a couple of days later. Apparently it was not the parents who had her committed, though. This is where the sequence of events becomes unclear to both LT and me.

She was fetched by the police and firemen in her home and brought to the hospital. LT does not know who alerted the police, but suspects that neighbours or a teacher had alerted them about the physical attack. Her father had apparently talked to a teacher about this.

I must admit I find this cause of events unlikely. In order to get a warrant for compulsory hospital admission (mandato de internamento in Portugal), the police would normally have to contact a psychiatrist, which indicates that the psychiatrist who had interviewed LT was involved somehow.

My suspicion is strengthened by the fact that as soon as LT was committed, the female psychiatrist in charge of LT argued for the very same treatment as the first psychiatrist: Xeplion injections.

LT resisted for as long as she could, but in the end they injected Xeplion by force and added Invega (paliperidone) pills to check the effects.

No talk therapy

During the hospitalization LT was offered no talk therapy. No one suggested that she should get help for handling her gender variance or diagnosing it. They did not contact her psychologist and they did not transfer her to an institution that has a specialist in clinical sexology.

Indeed, it seems that the only thing they did was keep her imprisoned in the hospital while administering the drugs. That would be malpractice even if she was psychotic. It is most certainly not a way to treat gender dysphoria.

Violating patients' rights

Moreover, this treatment also violates fundamental patient's’ rights in other ways. Here are some important points from the Portuguese Charter of the Rights and Duties of Patients.
  1. The patient has the right to be treated with respect for human dignity (I see no respect for human dignity in the treatment of LT).
  2. The patient has the right to receive appropriate care for his or her health, in the context of preventive, curative, rehabilitative and terminal care (Giving a patient a drug without any follow up in a case like this one is not good healthcare).
  3. The patient has the right to continuous care (We have seen no plans for continous care or therapy).
  4. The patient has the right to be informed about the existing health services, their competences and levels of care (There has been no information about alternative health providers that could take her transgender side into consideration).
  5. The patient has the right to give or refuse consent before any medical act or participation in research or clinical teaching (This right was not respected).
Lack of information

From our discussions with LT, there also seems to be a profound lack of information about her own health status (beyond the diagnosis itself). They have not given her any substantial information about why they have chosen such an extreme diagnosis.

They have not formally denied that LT might be gender variant, though, but stick to the story that LT suffers from a mental problem that requires a separate approach, independently of her gender issue.

Indeed, they seem to argue that the main reason is that she is a threat to her parents. That didn’t stop them from sending her home to her parents, when they finally released her from hospital, though, so that explanation sounds hollow.

She was kept in the hospital for more than a month. CDL members Barbara, Bobbie and I could follow her treatment as she, at times, had access to the internet, using facebook to communicate with us and Casa Qui, a Portuguese social solidarity LGBTI organisation.

Casa Qui

Casa Qui works specifically for LGBTI youth victims of violence (domestic/family or bullying) and in vulnerable/emergency situations and more.

We contacted Portuguese LGBT organisations as soon as we realized LT had been hospitalized, and Casa Qui has done a great job following up on LT and communicating with her lawyer and the hospital. I send my warmest thanks to the Casa Qui their excellent team!

There is no "cure" for being trans

Needless to say, taking Xeplion has not “cured” LT’s gender issue. She is still the same person as she was before. Nor has taking Xeplion “cured” the resentment she feels about the whole system violating her freedom and personal dignity in this way. Why should it?

Anyone who have read the history of psychiatry will know that the medical system has been used actively for nearly two centuries to keep marginalized people in check. This applies to people of color, women, homosexuals and transgender people.

Independent women were treated for "hysteria", homosexual and trans people were given so-called “conversion therapy” using electroshock and nausea inducing drugs. This is no longer possible in civilized countries, Portugal included, but it is possible to use the system in other ways.

It seems to me that this is a clear example of how that can be done.

Intimidation and invalidation

By suppressing and invalidating LT’s identity, LT’s parents caused her much suffering and pain. This pain led to anger and that anger caused LT to become violent. This kind of violence is obviously not acceptable, but it is understandable, given the context.

Even if LT’s parents did not want her to be committed to the hospital (and LT believes they did not), they have contributed to building a narrative where the main problem is not her being transgender, but her being rebellious. This has caused the whole system to focus on the symptom (aggression) and not the cause (gender dysphoria).

Even if the psychiatrists involved hadn’t denied that LT may be transgender, they have stuck to the idea that her anger issue can be treated separately from her gender issue.

If you want to establish a diagnosis of schizophrenia or psychosis, you should think you have to consider the obvious alternative explanations for the aggression you see, before you dismiss them. But no, these psychiatrists have not even let LT talk to gender specialists who could have given them relevant input.

Indeed, for what we who have been involved in this from the LGBT side (CDL and Casa Qui) see, it looks like they have not gone beyond the symptoms described. The symptoms equal the cause, and the drug is there to fix it.

This is the kind of simplistic reductionism I had hoped was gone from modern psychiatry, but it clearly isn’t. As Portuguese transgender activist Sandra Lopes has told us, the sad thing is that they can use this simplistic division into two separate diagnoses (psychosis vs. gender dysphoria) as an excuse for not taking LT’s gender identity into consideration. This is accordance with the rules given.

I should add, that the hospital psychiatrist has actually told LT that she does not believe LT is transgender. This doctor is not a gender specialist, and is not qualified to make this diagnosis, all of which strengthens my suspicion that the delusion their diagnosis refer to is LT’s gender variance.

Note also how the system hinders LT from protecting herself. She has gotten a lawyer and she may pursue this matter in the courts, but since the doctors are allowed to treat the aggression separately from the gender issue, they have now given her a diagnosis that will make it harder for her to convince judges and others involved that she is not delusional.
Illustration photo by Diava P

Indeed, this is a diagnosis she will have to carry with her for the rest of her life, unless she manages to get someone else to prove that she is not psychotic, and the people who could potentially do that are all part of the same system.

And now: To a better future!

LT is now planning her future, as regards being transgender, getting an education and finding her own way.

Casa Qui are focusing on arranging the possibility for Luna to get a third-party psychiatric evaluation, while my friends in CDL and I are exploring other possibilities for helping LT out of this horrible situation.

If you have any ideas, please add them in a comment or send me an email (jack.molay@gmail.com).

I would like to thank LT herself and Bobbi, Barbara and Sandra of Crossdream Life for important input to this process and this article.

Listen to this podcast about crossdreaming in a relationship

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A heads up for a very brave and very interesting podcast from the couple John and Nikki, two podcast publishers who until now have mostly talked about their open relationship.
Photo: Antonio Guillem

The latest episode, however, is about John's crossdreaming and what that has done to both of them.

They cover some of the same ground as I did in my July blog post on Telling Your Girlfriend about Being a Crossdresser or a Crossdreamer.

If you look at this comment to that post,  you will see that Nikki is not the only one who have felt betrayed and hurt, not so much by the crossdreaming itself, as the fact that their partner has kept this part  from them. My wife expressed the same disappointment and hurt when she found out about my transgender side.

I guess the main message from my blogpost and the courageous discussion of John and Nikki, is that openness about this is the only meaningful option in the long run. The female partner should not be left in the dark about this, and -- I speak from my own experience -- the secrecy is also destructive for the crossdreamer.

That being said, it shouldn't be hard to understand why male to female crossdreamers stay in the closet, even vis-a-vis their partners. They are violating one of the strictest taboos in our misogynistic societies: A man that dreams about being a woman is at best weak and pathetic, at worst a sexual pervert. The fear of losing the respect of the loved one is strong. It is, unfortunately, quite realistic as well.

We are facing one of the many negative feedback loops that makes human existence so hard: Stiff necked prejudices stops people from living out their own dreams and potential, and the need to belong to your local community turns us all into cops policing the trespassers. Transgender people are often themselves the best cops, hence the secrecy.

I wish they would stop using the terms "autogynephilia" and "AGP. This is an N word in the transgender community and for very good reasons.

Nikki and John are not transphobic, but the man that coined the term is, and the term itself refers to crossdreaming as a sexual perversion.  The theory itself is extremely bad science. It been thoroughly debunked by people who actually know something about this and who have joined not only the 20th century, but the 21st as well. More about that here.

If embedded player does not work, download the episode here.

There are no Normal People

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The concept of "normal people" is a threat to all of us, including -- of course -- transgender, non-binary and queer people. 

Time for a closer look!

There are no normal people. Seriously!

If you look at any distribution of human traits, abilities, interests, looks or mannerisms you will probably never find one person that is the average of them all, and if you do, that person is so rare that he or she is abnormal.

The median line in this figure has no width in reality. It is purely a theoretical construct, useful for statistics and research but with no counterpart out in the real world.

Illustration by lamnee.
"But hey, Jack, wait a minute!" you might say. "All of us consider 'normal' to be a broader area than that. Normalcy is rather something like this section of the bell curve."


Sure, but that is also a theoretical construct. In statistics normalcy may be defined as the area between +1 and -1 (the number is not important here, but it equals the marked area in the figure above), equalling 68 percent of a sample. 

Used to measure people, that would make 68% of us normal. 

Men are taller than women, right?  Well, no, not really. My wife and I have visited Asian countries a few times, and Sally can look down at the local men most of the time. This is all relative, really.

As Augustin Fuentes points out in an article over at Psychology Today: If you actually go out and select thousands of individual people at random and just look at their heights in the absence of any other data, you are going to be able to accurately determine their sex by their height alone only about 30 percent of the time.


Normal means what my tribe thinks is right

But again, we are talking about statistics here, not what the people around us consider normal. Since the distribution of traits, abilities, behaviors and what not will vary between groups, cultures, countries and historical epochs, statistics cannot be used to define what is normal in the popular sense of the word: What is right and righteous.

And why should only 68 percent be considered "normal", and not 69 percent or 35 percent? The number seems pretty arbitrary to me.

Moreover, there is a lot of behavior within that section of the bell curve that is considered bad, not limited to cheating and lying. So being "normal" is not about statistical averages, even if the "normalites"  and the traditionalists would like you to thinks so.



"He is not normal!" "She is a weirdo!" "They are not like us!" "They are not real Americans!" 

As soon as people start talking about "normal" in this way, you realize that they are not referring to the real world, but an imaginary world, the world as it should be, normally defined by a pretty narrow understanding of what their parents have told them, or their friends. 

Normal is basically what your own tribe think is safe and predictable. It is a word people use to police and control others.

Transgender people have to be suppressed, because their very existence threaten the local tribe's view of "normal".

The laws of nature

A similar word is "natural", which refers to some God given (or Nature given) law that governs the universe. 

"Gay sex is unnatural." means that gay men are violating the laws of nature. That's why they are "abnormal". 

Indeed, just recently a Kenyan official argued that the same-sex activity observed among local lions was caused by them imitating gay men. He argued that the lions should be separated and given counceling. 

The truth is, of course, that there is a lot of same-sex activity among animals. Gay love is  natural, as is gender variance, but being "normal" is not really about nature, but about people's need to control a far too big world. The chaos scares them so they redefine normal to make themselves believe that the world can be tamed.

Normal is relative

Normal is also relative. People are in general much more flexible as regards diversity when it comes to members of their own tribe, as compared to others. A masculine straight woman is normally accepted. "She is the one with the trousers in that family, he, he..." 

But if a woman from another tribe displays masculinity, it is a sign of some kind of abnormal sickness. A masculine lesbian woman is a threat, and therefore abnormal.

A woman must work twice as hard as a man to get ahead in a male dominated world. A Muslim terrorist is a terrorist because he is a Muslim, proving that all Muslims are abnormal. A white Christian male terrorist is insane, confirming the truth that normal white people are never terrorists.

Note also how the real innovators of the world -- the great artists, the brilliant scientists and the good leaders of the world -- live out there on the long tail of the curve. They are not normal, so they have to be redefined as "super-normal" or the very best of the "normalites".

Humanize the marginalized!

You cannot win, can you?

Hm, you can actually, but not by making all people understand the stupidity of the concept of normalcy. It seems you have to expand the concept of normal to encompass more people if you want to make this a more tolerant world.

The increasing acceptance of gay marriage is the end result of increased visibility of gay and lesbian people. If you know gay people, you are much less likely to think of them as abnormal perverts. 

To battle bigotry you have to humanize trans people, and make the "normalites" understand that they are people too.


What Japanese monkeys can teach you about sex and perversions

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We are at the end of the year, and Japanese macaques monkeys have come crossdreamers to the rescue, effectively undermining some 150 years of hard sexological work aimed at separating  good people from the sexual perverts.

Japanese macaque monkey. (Photo: vichie81)

A basic tenet of sexology, especially of the so-called "evolutionary psychology" type, is that sex is for procreation, men are sexual predators who would sleep with anyone anytime to spread their seed, and women are timid and asexual beings, protecting their eggs while waiting for the evolutionary fit Mr. Perfect -- the so-called Alpha Male.

Since these are traits based in biology and nature, the same researchers have also been projecting this ideal on other animals, finding "proof" in studies of chimpanzees, penguins and what not.

This logic has obviously also been used to invalidate gender variant and transgender people, effectively reducing their crossdreaming (i.e. the dream of becoming their target sex) to a misdirected sexual impulse: a fetish and/or a sexual perversion ("paraphilia").

Monkey do

The Japanes macaques have not read the paraphilia memo, because members of one tribe has been found to be using  nearby deers for sexual pleasure. It seems the relationship is consensual. The researchers are not sure what the deer get out of this, but deer who do not like this kind of attention can easily shake the monkeys off. In fact, they have been known to do so.

The researchers explain that the observations were conducted on the two free-ranging groups of Japanese macaques living in the Meiji Memorial Forest of Minoo Quasi-National Park, an unfenced
forested area located on the outskirts of Minoo City, Osaka Prefecture, in central Japan.

This is how the study is presented in scieneese:
This is the first quantitative study of heterospecific sexual behavior between a non-human primate and a non-primate species. We observed multiple occurrences of free-ranging adolescent female Japanese macaques (Macaca fuscata) performing mounts and sexual solicitations toward sika deer (Cervus nippon) at Minoo, central Japan. Our comparative description of monkey-deer versus monkey-monkey interactions supported the “heterospecific sexual behavior” hypothesis: the mounts and demonstrative solicitations performed by adolescent female Japanese macaques toward sika deer were sexual in nature.

(The term "heterospecific" refers to inter-species sex where the two animals look very different, not to heterosexuality.)

The monkeys are mounting the deer and rubbing themselves up against them for sexual pleasure.

What's even more important: It is the female monkeys who do this, not the males. Remember that Ray Blanchard, the creator of the autogynephilia theory, argues that women in general are not paraphilacs, apparently for some obscure evolutionary reasons. Among these macaques, however, the females are the "deviants".

It gets weirder. When the scientists set out to study this behavior, the baseline is not female to male macaques relationship alone, but also female to female courtships. The rituals used by the female monkeys to "seduce" the deer, are the same as the ones they use to entice other females, including body posture, hindquarter presentations, body movements and gestures, and sexual vocalizations. 

In the same way female monkeys mount other female monkeys, they will also mount the deer. They will not, however, try to mount male macaques.

Note also that their deer partners are always male. Why this is so, is not well explained by the researchers. It seems the female monkeys prefer male deer, but it might also be that female and juvenile animals do not like this kind of monkey-sex. Why this is so is unclear.

And yes, these researchers are convinced this behavior is sexually motivated:
Previous research showed that solicitations and mounts performed by adolescent female Japanese macaques toward male or female Japanese macaques (i.e., monkey-monkey sexual interactions) were sexually motivated because many aspects of their expression (e.g., timing, behavioral structure, partner preferences) closely mirrored adult female–male and female–female solicitations and mounts, which have themselves been shown to be sexually motivated.

But why?

Not that the scientists call them the female monkey deer-mounters deviants. In fact, they are trying hard to come up with evolutionary, adaptive, explanations for what causes this behavior.

NPR puts it this way:
Scientists have five theories about why the young monkeys might seek out sexual relationships with deer. 
First, it might be a way for a less-mature monkey to practice for future sex with other monkeys. 
Second, it might be a less dangerous way for a young female macaque — physically smaller than male macaques — to have a sexual interaction. That's the "safe sex" hypothesis, as the scientists put it. It's similar to one explanation for why young female macaques have sex with each other. [This makes no sense to me. A stag is much larger than a male macaque.]
Third, they might be an option for young macaques with no available sexual partners of their own species. Apparently adolescent female macaques are not the "preferred" partner for male macaques and are "routinely rejected." This is what the researchers call the "best of a bad job" hypothesis. 
All of these explanations try to normalize their behavior, making it functional and therefore healthy, I guess. Sexologists like Blanchard are rarely similarly kind to humans who break the laws of Moses.

An adolescent female Japanese macaque on the back of a
male sika deer.Photo via NPR and Noëlle Gun
However, it seems to me the fourth reason is the most likely one:
Fourth, it might be the result of nonsexual interactions, with macaques riding deer either for fun or for transport and discovering it's a source of genital stimulation that they then seek out on purpose. 
In other words: They do it because it feels good.

That will make them paraphiliacs according to Blanchard's definition:
"The term paraphilia denotes any powerful [intense] and persistent sexual interest other than sexual interest in copulatory or precopulatory behavior [genital stimulation or preparatory fondling] with phenotypically normal, consenting adult human partners. "
(Replace "adult human partners" with the macaque counterpart, and you will see what I mean).

I do not know what this makes female monkeys: zoophiliacs, cervidaphiliacs, xenophiliacs, sodomites?

Sex decoupled from procreation

I believe the main lesson from this is that in more complex organisms, sexual pleasure may perfectly well be decoupled from procreation, and serve other purposes, even the one of "just having fun".

I am sure the feeling of desire, and the pleasure from having sex, originated as a way of making sure two-sexed organisms meet and make babies, but there is little to stop animals and humans from searching out other scenarios that can give them this kind of pleasure when the pleasure mechanism is in place.

It seems the average human has sex close to 6000 times during a life time.  That's a lot of sex only to sire some two to ten babies. It seems to me both humans and macaques have found that it makes sense to decouple sexual pleasure from procreation, for many different reasons.

As soon as sexual pleasure is liberated from this objective, it also makes sense for sexual fantasies and sexual desires express other biological, psychological or cultural phenomena or drivers.

Now that researchers allow themselves to look for such variation among animals, they find it all over the world and in a wide variety of species. This applies to same-sex sex and sex between animals of different species.

The researchers studying the Japanese macaques also argue that this may be a local, cultural phenomenon:
Finally, the researchers say, this might be a kind of cultural practice. Japanese macaques display different behaviors in different locations — some wash their food, or take hot-spring baths, or play with snowballs. 
This does not change my point, however, that having sex for fun -- with no procreative motivation -- is something found among other animals as well. I am reminded of our closest relative, the bonobos, where everyone has sex with anyone, all the time, in order to strengthen social bonds, solve conflicts and have fun.

But what has this got to do with crossdreamers?

No, my point is not that crossdreamers have much in common with macaque monkeys having sex with stags. Nor do I think these females are homosexual or transgender as these terms are understood by humans -- even if they are clearly do not share the culturally defined hang-ups found among religious conservatives and sexologists like Blanchard.

I believe, as people who have followed this blog will know, that erotic crossdreaming is simply the psyche's way of handling a conflict between expected behavior associated with someone's assigned gender, and their real gender identity, whether they are some shade of non-binary or they identify fully with their target gender.

Nor do I believe that because animals do something it has to be morally good. To me sexual activities should follow the "do no harm" doctrine, and I doubt humans who have sex with animals are helping the animals (or themselves). Homosexual or heterosexual couples who treat each other with love and respect are hurting no one and therefore ethically on safe ground.

My point is simply that the different attempts made by sexologist and religious extremists of classifying some types of sexual behavior as "normal" and others as "paraphilias" and mental illnesses, only reflects their culturally defined prejudices, and has nothing to do with what is good or bad "out there".

Indeed, the desire to sort people according to their sexual inclination is in itself an arbitrary and culturally defined activity. It reflects a culture that is so hung up on sexuality and "normal sex", that it  makes sense for this researchers and theologians to classify human beings according to their sexual preferences. The truth is that most of these "paraphilias" have nothing in common as regards origins, ethics or the effects on someones health.

That will be the topic of my next blog post.

See also:

It is Time to Break the Vicious Circle of Transphobia

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A look at how transphobia and homophobia cause male to female crossdreamers to behave in ways that seem to confirm the prejudices of the narrow minded. It is time to break the vicious circle of transphobia.


The circle of transphobia is a circle, so you might start anywhere along it's curve, but let us for simplicity's sake start with childhood. In this presentation I will present a male to female crossdreamer and someone who has a clear female gender core (to use Felix Conrad's term). Much of the same applies to female to male crossdreamers and those who are somewhere in the non-binary and gender fluid parts of the gender continuum.

1. Childhood gender dissonance

A young male assigned gender variant child, will -- as the surrounding culture increasingly demands adherence to the expected roles of gender -- start to feel some kind of dissonance between what feels right and what parents, peers and friends expect.

As the kid learns the ins and outs of language, they may try to express this unease, buy telling their parents that they are not "really a boy" or by trying to express their dreams by other means, most likely through play. Preferring Barbies to toy guns has become a bit of a cliché in transgender narratives, but there is something to it.



The fact is that young kids, whether they are boys or girls, trans or non-trans, often choose freely between blue and pink if they are allowed to do so, so trans kids may not necessarily stick to girls' toys all the time. But I suspect that some trans kids are more likely to go "all the way", for the simple reason that this is an area where they may express their deeply felt identity.

They probably hope that playing with dolls will give them the affirmation other girls get from parents and peers.

2. The transphobic backlash

As more and more parents become aware of the diversity of sexuality and gender, the more likely it is that kids are not punished for expressing gender variance. These days progressive parents will simply allow the kids to find out for themselves.

But this has not been the case for most of the readers of this blog. Moreover, even now well meaning and tolerant parents may try to stop their kids from exploring "the other side" in order to save the children from social exclusion or to save themselves from social embarrassment.

Now the kid faces the transphobic backlash. They are told directly or indirectly that their behavior is not acceptable or wanted. This happens directly through words and violence, or indirectly as parents and peers withhold their acceptance and love if the kid decides to crossdress, says that they are a girl or by asking for a pink unicorn for their birthday.

I think we underestimate children's' ability to sense the approval or disapproval of parents and peers  and their desperate need to fit in and be accepted. They are, after all, completely reliant on their parents and they have to face the wrath of other kids, every day, on the play ground, in the kindergarten or in school.


This video is made by Norwegian mothers who are arguing against the fashion industry's ways of reinforcing gender stereotypes and stoppings kids from expressing all of themselves. See Sally's post:  It’s time to leave the girl’s and boy’s labels behind!

3. Suppression and denial

It is at this point that most gender variant kids break down, and succumb to the pressure of those around them. They start playing a game of make-believe, trying hard to become the "boy" their parents and friends expect and require.

There are a few exceptions to this general rule. Some continue to insist that they are girls, paying a steep price in the process. I suspect this has something to do with personality. They are less likely to be -- let's say -- introvert people pleasers.

We also see that many of those who resist in the end turn out to be androphilic (being attracted to boys). There is reason to believe that sexual orientation is inborn. If so, it makes sense that they already -- at an early age --at some level, understand that they should be allowed to love boys.

They therefore experience two strong drives towards self expression, one anchored in sexuality and one in gender identity, as opposed to "just" one. There is a part of them that understands that if they are to be happy as adults, they have to create room from both of these parts of themselves.

The kids who are predisposed for loving girls, may subconsciously conclude that it is better to play the role of a boy, as "girls like boys" and doing the opposite will lead to a life of loneliness.

They may still express some kind of gender variance, but they do so in areas that many people will accept as "normal". Avoiding sports and rough and tumble play may be accepted as long at is not accompanied by strong symbols of femininity. In the same way female assigned kids who love sports and rough and tumble play will often not be ostracized, partly because these are considered good skills in a male dominated society.

4. Puberty and reawakening

There seems to be a pattern here. Most of those who manage to suppress their "other side" are able to do so at least until puberty.

Some continue to have crossdreaming fantasies about being a girl. Other have such fantasies, but become "splitters": They refuse to acknowledge them as a real part of themselves. This has been described as ending up in "the inner closet", where crossdreamer feelings are sorted away as "just a phase".

Some again, become "dark crossdreamers" -- they have absolutely no recollection of ever having been transgressed gender norms, and any dissonance or dysphoria they might feel is explained as a depression caused by something else.

Somewhere between the age of 7 and 17 the crossdreamer will experience a "spark", usually some work of art (story, comic book, movie) that triggers a new awareness of their gender variance.

I suspect the sexual awakening of puberty also leads to an awakening of "the other side". Sexuality is an extremely strong force, and the hormone surges of puberty triggers any person to find a place in the landscape of sexuality and gender.  If the core identity is female, the instinctual drive is towards expressing oneself as a female in that cultural context.

Closeted crossdreamers can only do so in the closet, and one obvious way of doing so is by crossdressing.

What happens next depends on a variety of factors:
  1. Where the crossdreamer is on the gender spectrum
  2. The existence and intensity of gender dysphoria
  3. The intensity of the sex drive
  4. The strength of the transphobic and homophobic conditioning and the related internalization and suppression
  5. The tolerance of the surrounding society
5. The transphobic backlash, part two

Some crossdreamers make another attempt at exploring their gender identity at this stage, especially if their parents have lost some of their hold over them.

They may explore alternative culture, find transgender friends online, join crossdresser communities and more. And some decide to test the water, so to speak, by talking to friends and family members about this.

What happens now, depends on how open-minded and understanding these friends are. Note that all people are conditioned by the prejudices of society. People are taught to recoil at the idea of "a man in a dress", and this conditioning is reinforced by the old medical tradition of labelling gender variance as sexual perversions.

Since the core identity is reawakened or reinforced by the sex drive, the dreams and behavior of MTF crossdreamers seem to confirm these prejudices. The crossdreamer may get turned on by the idea of becoming a woman, simply because that would let them experience sex as a woman, given that they are -- in fact -- fully or partly a woman. 

However, those around them sees only the man. After all, this is most likely a person that has perfected the act of playing the man. Indeed, some of them has tried out the tactic of "hypercorrection", becoming the most masculine boy in the neighborhood. Kristin Beck became a NAVY Seal in order to repress her true self. Ernest Hemingway spent years writing about his own gender variance in The Garden of Eden, while at the same time becoming known as the American archetype of masculinity.

So there is a chance that they may be ridiculed and despised for their feelings -- and they may lose their loved ones. 

Many adapt the narratives of their friends, believing that this is "nothing but a kink", that they are "fetishists" and "autogynephiliacs". Some do so courageously, trying to embrace being some kind of "liberated pervert" (reinforcing the transphobia of others in the process), while  others climb back into the closet.

Some  of the closeted ones may also contribute to the Vicious Circle of Transphobia, trying to oppress similar feelings in others, partly because other crossdreamers remind them of who they are, and partly out of a misguided attempt to save those persons from the fate they themselves have experienced.

Some might even punish their own kids for gender transgressions, trying to stop them from becoming as lonely and desperate as they themselves have been. And so the pain is transferred to the next generation.

That won't work, of course, because this is not something you can use willpower to overcome. This is an essential part of you.

Moreover, if you accept the narrative of your oppressor, you become the tool of your oppressor.


6. Liberation

In spite of the recent extremist and fascist backlash (as in Trump, Putin and religious fanaticism), the transgender community has come a long way towards greater tolerance and inclusion during the last ten years or so. This is part of an increased tolerance of LGBTQA-people in large parts of the world.

Even if the crossdreamer will not find this kind of tolerance in their own neighborhood, they might find som elsewhere. The Village People referred to this as "going west". Urban areas along the costs of both America and Europe seem to be more likely to accept variance in gender and sexuality than smaller communities inland.

This is also why I find that more and more crossdreamers find acceptance of their other side, whether they decide to live as men or as women. And some find their own way somewhere else, away from the people who refuse to accept them as they are.

This is we why crossdreamer liberation is part of transgender liberation, and transgender liberation is part of LGBTQA liberation. We are all trying to get free of the stifling prejudices of those who are not able to live in a world of diversity.


Butterfly caption based on an image by frimages. Photo of woman by kieferpix.
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